Have you ever quit a job because of a personality conflict? Resentment, pride and guilt are all the ingredients you need to walk out the door and never come back.
Whether you go out in a blaze of glory or just fail to return… there has to be a better way!
Forgiveness…yes, forgive them.
What is the alternative? Do you really want to go through an agonizing confrontation be it public or private when a simple procedure can cure you of your need to quit? We work because we have to!
It is not a social engagement wherein we decide when and with whom we can associate…we are expected to be there on days that are both good and bad..and work with people we are convinced are either good or bad.
We get paid based on our contribution and value but why do we get caught up in the endless trap of feelings?
We like our boss…we stay…we don’t like our boss…we go.
I know it seems more complicated than that…but is it really? People are here to stay..rare is the job where we work in solitude without any interaction…so we better understand how to coexist peacefully along the way.
In my experience it is all rooted in forgiveness…and I have to stay focused on ALL forgiveness…here is a broad list of how I might build such a base..to forgive:
What is weakening me?
What is real?
What is perceived?
Am I mad at the person?
Am I mad at the event?
Am I mad about what happened?
Am I mad about what might happen?
Am I mad about the past, present or future?
What part did I play in this drama?
Was I bringing up old events to power the new event?
Does this person remind me of someone?
What does this person get out of this drama?
Is there any payoff for either party reacting this way?
Is there a possibility that I am wrong?
Is there a possibility that one of us is fearful about something?
Am I afraid of what I am losing?
Am I afraid of what I may not get?
Do I need attention..and bad attention is better than no attention?
I review these items at the time I am angry…does it take time?
Well..put it this way..if one loses their temper and quits or gets fired..then yo will have plenty of time LOL
So I put myself in the position of the other person…I simplify things by trying to imagine what their experience must have been prior to the event…I try to see things through their lenses…and I remember that everyone is someone’s son or daughter.
They have families like I do…maybe there is more happening behind the scenes than I am privy to. Perhaps they are concealing some painful event that causes them to act this way.I also take a deep breath and stop..and listen to what is happening…have I heard what they are saying or am I just rehearsing what I need to say while they are speaking…what can I do to understand them?
If I am unable to forgive myself for the mistakes I made I will never be able to forgive others. If I tried to right the wrongs I have done as well as learn from my mistakes..I can be compassionate with others…and I will never demonize them and make events bigger than they actually are. Work conflict written by Ken Bownes
