Why I would never work for a Human Resource Management
Why I would never work for a Human Resource Management!
(This is satire…relax, people….)
They crush dreams and they walk away from the wreckage while the poor employees are left holding the bag. They can deny vacations and with the stroke of a pen put you on notice thereby placing your longevity at risk.
They rarely want to respond to emails or return phone calls because they are too busy talking about “family” and “community” spirit at the company. They are the first ones with their hand out for a contribution to the coffee club or birthday club and when they want to turn on the charm they will give you that million dollar smile…just don’t ask them to answer the phone when you need something…whether it be information for clarification or an approval.
Human Resource people get a chance to organize potlucks and get-togethers but other than that…or orientation…when do you ever see them?
If I wanted to join a softball team or know what side dish to bring to the company picnic…couldn’t I just deal with an administrative assistant?
Is this the reason why my calls are not returned…or I fail to meet the deadline for revisions to my health insurance plan?Is this why I can’t get a chair that actually lasts more than 6 months?
Why I can’t get the most basic of office supplies?
Why I can’t figure out the copier code?
It is becoming so much clearer now…it is because our Human Resource people are morale officers…they simply welcome new hires and regale them with tales of unity and merriment!
They polish their stand up comedy and put everyone at ease during conference calls and company affairs. They collect all the questions during staff meetings or company announcements and politely say they will address them later.
In my experience the various seminars, company mergers and other gatherings are always an interesting mix of anxiety and stage fright for the various speakers but the Human Resource person is oblivious to the gravity of the situation and seems to shine amidst the pools of sweat as the audience wonders if the changes being announced will affect their future with the company.
Human Resources are the glue that keeps it together…
Why can’t I find them then?
I want office supplies and I want them now!
I want to be invited to the catered lunches that vendors bring!
I want “early outs” automatically approved if Human Resources isn’t there to see the request!
I want to preserve my dignity and not play softball at my age!
I want to stay at home instead of forced fun during happy hours at a bar I hate!
I want to play with my friends not my coworkers!
In conclusion, the job that Human Resources do is difficult and thankless and they are often the difference between a good company and a great company. They are responsible for outreach of talent, retention and early warning efforts to prevent costly turnover of employees. When you consider that they are also the people that make sure the company is compliant and not on the verge of committing an infraction that could cost them a client or a license…perhaps we should forgive them for being social butterflies.. " Human Resource Management " written by Ken Bownes
