It happens to all of us when we let our guard down and disclose some piece of information we believe is harmless and then come to find out that it is part of what weakens us when misused.How many times have we innocently engaged in a conversation thinking it builds camaraderie when we get to know the person behind the job?
Life is difficult or easy depending on the way we look at it and I personally feel the job is a sacred place where only work should take place…when it becomes a playground or a dumping ground then there is surely trouble ahead. Any damage caused to one’s reputation is bound to come quicker for personal reasons than business reasons.
In business, you can often repair a problem or modify a project and though it may be an expense or a setback it can be done.I can think of some examples both major and minor regarding the effect our personal life has on our career…
I worked at a job once that promoted a happy hour culture and encouraged activities outside of work hours and the “forced fun” culture was tedious but necessary for those that wanted to stay in the boss’s good graces.
He insisted on knowing everything he could about our wives and family and he would use it whenever he wanted to exploit your vulnerability.
If you had a picture on your desk of your wife and children it was not uncommon for him to pick it up and in an exaggerated motion, make believe he was kissing it while declaring how much the children resemble him…and he would wink as if to indicate he was kidding. He was also notorious for intercepting personal calls…Example:
In a small office environment it is normally a little bit more casual than large company culture and personal calls might be acceptable…and in time it might also be something like a page announcing “Joe, line two is Linda”
Well for those in the know…Linda is Joe’s wife…
And anyone listening to the intercom would know that if you really wanted to access line two you could speak to Linda…The boss knew this of course and thought it was a good way to discourage excessive personal calls…he would regularly intercept calls and speak with spouses and playfully flirt with them.
The job became a battlefield of hurt feelings and personal boundaries getting crossed and violent fistfights broke out on occasion but other than high turnover people could not stop the behavior.
Happy hour bar fights, Christmas party tantrums…nothing seemed to make a difference in stopping the menacing issue…Until one day a senior member of the team sat in the conference room waiting for the boss to arrive at the meeting…he said something very profound and very simple..it took awhile for it to sink in but it did.
He said “Look around people…how many of you have been in the doghouse with your boss, and how many years have you been battling him over the same issue?”
He went on to say “The problem is that you are waiting for him to change…when it is you that needs to change…people that go to the well only go because there IS a well”
We all looked at each other and started to understand that he was right in a way…the only people that had trouble with the boss were the ones that brought their personal lives into their job.
Of course the boss was wrong…and his behavior unprofessional and truly disgusting but…we couldn’t change him until we changed our reaction to him.
